Saturday, July 12, 2008

I'm (not) Lovin' It

So now that rightwing fundies are against processed meat sandwich conglomo McDonald's, we gaybos are supposed to support the largest producer of fat nonnutritious junk food to ever induce heart disease by mere proximity?

So sayeth the witty (and, hey lookit the byline pic, he's cute, too!) Mark Morford of SF Chronicle.
Did you know the AFA recently boycotted McDonald's? That's right, this once semi-powerful tub of right-wing brain-caulk recently declared a comestible fatwa against America's foremost purveyor of toxic foodstuffs because, apparently, some high-ranking McD's VP just joined the board of directors of the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, which, to the AFA, somehow translates directly into free pink condoms and mind-controlling rainbow flags in every toxic God-fearing Happy Meal.

Did you read about that? No? Of course you didn't. Here is why: No one cared. Well, that's not quite true. McDonald's sort of cared, just enough to write up a nice letter of response to Wildmon stating, in essence, that the AFA is a bunch of troglodytic knuckle-draggers with the sociosexual awareness of a fungal spore, and they should crawl away right now before God spanks them even harder with the 2x4 of total irrelevance.

I might be exaggerating. What they actually said was: Thank you, AFA, for your hateful consideration, but we support our employees' right to join whichever socially responsible and positive groups they like. And thusly did McD's flick the AFA away like a tick from a dog. Isn't that amazing?

Morfy's point is that the AFA and other shrieking fundy bunglers are now irrelevant in the boycott realm.

That's fine, but don't expect me to bike up to the drive-thru and order a dozen Big Macs. Didn't that other cute straight dude and social critic Morgan Spurlock prove that it's a nasty, fatty, kill-ya diet?

Okay, maybe one Big Mac. Maybe just a cheeseburger, as a symbolic show of support. Or, okay, fries, too.


Mama Provenzano said...

Jim, honey, you seem to like this Mark Morford guy. This is clearly just a thinly disguised love letter to him. Why don't you ask him out? You know how I worry about you being all alone! It's time you got married to a nice man.

Love, Mama

Jim Provenzano said...

Well, you know that'd be great, except he's straight.