Sunday, March 30, 2008

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Ah, the weekend. Time to relax, read the papers, catch up on the news, and enjoy the sunshine in your backyard while having sex with your lawn furniture.

Huh? Yep. Picnic Sex Man got busted. "An Ohio man is charged with four counts of public indecency after he admitted to having sex with his patio picnic table. Authorities in Huron County, Ohio say 40-year-old Art Price Junior confessed to repeatedly having sex with the table between January and March of this year.

Police in Bellevue, Ohio were tipped off, after someone anonymously taped one of the incidents then gave the recording to police. According to police, Price admitted that he had sex with the picnic table both inside and outside his home. He is free on a $20,000 bond."

(Just a note to the editors: you can't have sex "with" an inanimate object.)

And what's the day's news without naked vandals? A drunken, naked man stole a forklift, crashed it and then rampaged through a grocery store late Friday night in West Lampteter Township, Pennsylvania.

Don't take that call. Cell phones are more dangerous than smoking. A new study claims "that using handsets for 10 years or more can double the risk of brain cancer. Cancers take at least a decade to develop, invalidating official safety assurances based on earlier studies which included few, if any, people who had used the phones for that long."

More dangerous, for one's career at least, should one happen to be a British son of a wannabe-Nazi; getting caught spanking whores and playing Nazi sex games.

That's not worthy of getting arrested. Hey, whatever makes your perverted wrinkled old boat float.

But what if you're an old war protestor in a wheelchair? Go to a mall wearing a slogan-filled T-shirt, and you'll get arrested.

Yes, it's a mad, mad world. And MAD magazine is still relevant. Here's the NY Times on those strangely compelling fold-in pages by Al Jaffee.

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